This morning my ex came to my house to pick up the kids and to discuss money. He owes me money from a business deal and unpaid child support and I owe him money related to a business deal. I knew this would not go well. I prayed a lot before he came.
When he arrived, I asked that we not decide anything about the money, because I wanted him to have a good visit with the kids and it not be complicated by tensions related to money.
He said he wanted to make me an offer and I said well then let’s not make any final decisions and just have a brief conversation before he left with the kids. He said fine.
However, just 15 minutes later, he was standing at the end of my driveway threatening to call the police and I was on the phone with my attorney.
Thankfully, my kids were in their room playing video games unaware of the situation.
My ex is an abuser and controller and things can escalate very quickly when things don’t go his way. And even though I know this, I still get sucked into drama rather fast.
This morning, my ex was very angry when I suggested that we forgive each other’s debt, though his debt to me was more and he hasn’t been paying it to me. I have been making payments to him on the business debt for years. He owes me more than twice what I owe him, so I thought he would recognize the “win” for him and we could separate even more our troubled lives together.
But my ex didn’t care. This deal didn’t work for him. Likely because he never really planned on paying me in the first place, so to him, his debt to me was zero.
Nevertheless, within minutes, he was calling me all sorts of names, stomping up and down my driveway and making all sorts of threats against me and what I can expect from him. Then he demanded that I send the kids out of the house to him right away.
I refused. I had seen him like this before and over the years, there have been a few times when I refused to let him take the kids because his temper had the better of him.
I asked him to cool down, take a drive for an hour, and if he got control of himself, then I would bring the kids to him. He refused and demanded the kids. I told him I would bring the kids to him when he calmed down. So he screamed, “then I am going to call the police.”
I walked into my house, locked the door and called my attorney. She told me to tell him to cool down.
A few minutes later, my ex came to my door. I stayed on the phone with my attorney and repeated to her what he said. He didn’t call the police afterall. So I asked him to calm down and I would call him in a hour and take the kids to his house.
Then he drove off, very mad.
About 10 minutes later, while I was getting advise from my attorney, he called to say he was calm and wanted to see the kids.
So, I waited another 30 minutes and took my kids to his house. That was a hard thing to do. I am currently praying that he is calm and not taking out his anger toward me on them. I asked my 15 year old to call me if he needed me and asked my 11 year old to just have fun with his Dad, hoping he wouldn’t dig and trigger his father’s anger.
But this life with my ex is very difficult and very exhausting. It is hard to leave my kids with a man who I know can cause physical harm. But I know that I didn’t really have a choice.
My children will be with their father for three days and I pray that God will protect them and that my ex will calm down enough to be a good father. And I pray that my children will grow up healthy and happy despite this hardship in their lives.
And I pray that I will get through this today and the next two.