Nov. 26, 2011 _ As I deal with the various emotions created by the physical abuse of the past and the emotional abuse I’ve just faced, I desperately want to find inner peace and forgiveness. I want to be healed and I want to find humor in my life.
I was raised in a family of smart-asses and funny cousins who could make you spit your milk through your nose in a heartbeat. That laughter helped us through the dramas of domestic life.
Today, my mind desires to laugh about the rollercoaster I ride with my ex-husband and the turmoil that an abuser can cause … but how is getting strangled funny?
I relive the event in my mind, and I can’t think of a single comment that would make me laugh about a husband charging his pregnant wife and wrapping his hands around her neck.
Nothing funny at all about that.
I imagine that I’m Carrie Fisher, who made readers laugh out loud with tales of very sad and serious subject matters .. addictions, mental illness, divorce … she made them all seem bearable with her sarcastic twist. I admire Nora Ephron, who famously wrote about her famous ex-husband’s infidelities, and made me laugh ’til I cried in the telling.
I wish I could find the humor of my situation. I wish I could find the laughter about my ex suing me for custody of my beloved boys. Maybe if I could, I could feel healed and could find the peace of mind that I seek.
Maybe I can’t laugh about the surreal events of domestic abuse because it is not the slightest bit funny. Maybe there is no humor in a man standing over his wife with rage in his eyes and violence in his heart. Maybe the picture of a child left at the door, screaming “Daddy please come back” while Daddy drive away in anger is not anything but sad.
I can find humor in a lot of tragedy in the world. I love to laugh and spit milk! I have found the jokes in my mother’s death and so many sad situations. But, I can’t find the humor in my abuse. What is funny about that?