Some days are just worse than others

Being connected to an abuser can be a very bad roller coaster ride. Sometimes life is a gentle ride, with maybe a little rocking.

Currently, I have been riding into an upsetting dip and sickening twist as my ex husband has been struggling with his abusive nature as he faces life challenges he is ill-equiped to handle.

When my ex got married again about a year ago, he entered into a lifestyle that he wants but can’t navigate and he is reverting to his old ways of control, deceit and abuse. As his current wife brings to the table expectations, desires and personal issues, my ex is floundering. Of course, I do not know the specifics and intimacies of their relationship, nor do I want to, but my ex’s behavior is very familiar and I am a familiar target.

This last week has been very difficult and my stomach is upset, I’m not sleeping and my stress level is rising as he battles with me over anything he can, money, the schedule, anything. His wife has pushed him to gain more control over me and my feeling is that she sees his lack of success as some sort of evidence that she is loosing control over her world.

But, in the last week, my ex has stood on my driveway, wound up in anger, telling me he was calling the police on me unless I handed over the kids to him that minute. He has sent me emails blaming me for ruining his stepdaughter’s college graduation. He has dismissed our 15-year-old’s final exams as “easy” and nothing to worry about and no reason why our academically ambition teen-ager should study or go to bed on time before the tests.

It is difficult to be involved with someone so unhealthy and it upsets me so much that this is my children’s father. But, as my father says. It is what it is.

So I’m praying a lot. I speak to my attorney a lot more than I can afford. And I cry on a lot of people’s shoulders.

So far, I am grateful for every avenue of release I can find, this blog being one of them. My friend just told me to stay strong, hold to my boundaries and don’t let my ex bully me anymore. I am trying, because my head knows that she is right. But I must admit, today is worse that most.

4 thoughts on “Some days are just worse than others

  1. Kristin May 13, 2010 / 7:31 pm

    Reading your blog reminds me of an author I know. Angelica Harris is a domestic abuse survivor who has healed many of her woen life’s struggles through writing. Check out her website and books because the two of you might be able to work together. http://www.angelicaharris.com

    Thank you for your courage to share your story.

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