Seeking help

During my marriage, it took me years and years to tell anyone that I was being violently abused. Even though my husband and I were in and out of counseling, both together and separately, I did not tell anyone, not even the counselors. My husband and I didn’t even discuss it … well much… between us. But one day, in one couple’s counseling session, I finally told and that was the beginning for me.

Now, years out of the marriage and years from the last violent attack, I still struggle to tell anyone what happened to me. I fear what people will think of me and I mourn the “death” of my “happily ever after.”

But I am getting wiser and stronger and more able to discuss this part of my life with trusted friends and family. I am working hard to open up, no matter how difficult and uncomfortable it feels. I am seeking help from friends, experts and websites to help me deal with what I have experienced and to help me move beyond it and feel healed.

This information I’ve found at this website has helped: http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

  • Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

  • Abuser starts to get angry
  • Abuse may begin
  • There is a breakdown of communication
  • Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
  • Tension becomes too much
  • Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

Making-Up

  • Abuser may apologize for abuse
  • Abuser may promise it will never happen again
  • Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
  • Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm

  • Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
  • Physical abuse may not be taking place
  • Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met
  • Victim may hope that the abuse is over
  • Abuser may give gifts to victim

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