September 2012_ Abusers dsn’t move on. They are very emotional ill and they need to want to get help before their behavior changes. They don’t always look like abusers or even bad people. They can look normal and sound normal. But you might be able to pick through the pieces of their lives and find red flags. You might not.
Victims have a hard time moving on, too. There may be a reason why a victim was a victim, there may not be. But, victims don’t cause abuse. Victims are victims of abuse.
As a victim of physical abuse, I still struggle with moving on. I still suffer from trauma and stress. Sometimes it feels like I am about to get hit. I lived for so many years under the fear of future physical abuse and emotional abuse that I still look over my shoulder today from time to time. Actually, the more accurate description is that I feel the weight of the fear on my chest so strong that is can be hard to breathe.
I’m told that is a symptom of post traumatic stress and it sure makes sense. When anything looks like the behavior that so messed with my life, I get scared.
Unfortunately, my abuser still tries to abuse. He calls me names and makes threats. He works on the minds of our children to spin details of our lives, separate as they are, to paint a pictures of him as the victim. This is very difficult to tolerate because it hurts the wounds of the past all over again.
I work very hard at trying to move past the pain and stress of the demented relationship.
Therapy is the answer. But only with a therapist who understands the wheel of power and abuse. Grieving is so important as well. The five stages matter.
Next month is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. It is a great time to share your story here on this blog or others. It is a great time to let someone you know who has faced DV that you care. Ask about their story. Show your support. Be a friend. It matters.
With love to all of the readers and DV survivors. Help stop this awful problem around the world.