I know that I now have a following of people who are reading this blog because they are somehow involved with an abuser and those unseen and anonymous readers enter my heart quite a bit. I wonder how many of you are still in a violent, dangerous situation.
I lived with an abusers for 10 years and each day, my life was in jeopardy. Nevertheless, I lied to myself and denied the truth about my life and hoped that enough therapy, arguing and pretense would make my abuser stop hitting me.
It was a hopeless endeavor because it wasn’t me who had the power to make my marriage better. It wasn’t me that was going to make my abuser stop hitting me. It wasn’t me who was going to make my abuser stop controlling me.
But I did have power to make my life better, happy and filled with hope.
And I am truly grateful to God that I realized that before I was seriously hurt or worse and before my children were physically hurt. I pray to God every morning before I open my eyes to thank Him for saving me from that horrible marriage.
Leaving wasn’t easy on me, my kids, my family and my friends. It is amazing how much one marriage effects many people. The day that I first walked into a lawyer’s office, I could hardly put one foot in front of the other. The weight of what I was doing was so heavy and scary. I was so very close to not doing it. I really don’t know how I was able to get it done and leave.
But I did and the storm that had rage over my world for 10 years finally cleared up and I finally was free.
I know that many who stay do so because they don’t want to believe that their happily ever after is over and they don’t want to believe that their spouse isn’t healthy enough to be in a marriage and their home is not a home at all. I stayed because I believed that there was something I could do to make it better and that I could live up to my vows made on a beach beside my husband, in front of my family and before God. I was wrong.
If you are reading this and you are with someone who abused you, even once, you need to get out and the sooner the better. You are risking your life, even if you don’t think so. I never believed that my ex-husband would literally murder me. But how could I not see that this is a man who strangled me while I was pregnant. This was a man who beat me up five days after major surgery. This was a man who didn’t think about what would happen to me as he hit me again and again.
I am simply lucky that I got out before something tragic happened.
If you are currently with your abuser, you are lucky that you are alive, healthy, living with scars and not injury. But you can’t expect you will be living that way tomorrow.
You need to leave anyway that you can. You need to get help.
Call a hotline. Call a lawyer. Call a friend and share your secret. It is never too late to get out. You are never too old to leave. You are never too entangled to get free.
Don’t believe that you are to blame. That your abuser’s actions are a reflection on your life. Don’t believe that you need to hide the abuse. You need to get help right now and the only way to do that is to tell at least one person. Please do it.
I have never met a single victim of abuse who regretted leaving their abuser. Never. Every victim is elated that they left, despite any hardship it might have caused.
On this site, you can find a number of links that can offer help. Please reach out to them. Please take that step. You will never regret it and your life is worth it.