A very dear friend of mine who also happens to be a psychologist sent me a great email recently that I should really pin on my bathroom mirror and re-read and re-read again and again because she tells me what I need to hear, that I should put as much distance between me and my ex as I can. That is the healthy response to his behavior and his behavior during the years of my attempts to have a normal marriage with him.
She is so right, and yet, it is still hard to hear and sad to realize that she is right.
I know what you must be thinking… “Why would I be sad about staying away from a man who repeatedly hit, lied and manipulated?” I know, I know.. it makes no sense.
Until I think about my kids. I don’t want my precious children to have to deal with all of this. They are innocent and didn’t ask for anything other than a happy childhood. They just want to love their mom and dad and they want everyone to get along.
They want civil behavior and smiles at awards nights and soccer games. They don’t want to think about who is right or wrong or worry about another parent. It is sad.
And I wish that I could give them that. I wish that I could give myself no drama in the rest of my life and I wish that I could have a friend in my ex-husband, someone who will treat me with respect and understanding. I wish that I could work with my ex-husband as parents and not involve our children in anything other than their wonderful childhood.
But as my friend said, that won’t work with my ex. I realize, those thoughts are just fantasies. But of course, that is why I stayed with him for so long. Trying everything I could to get him to stop hitting me, lying to me and manipulating me.
Mourning the death of a marriage is important. Feeling the sadness is hard, but necessary. And I am grateful that my friend took the time to write me and give me such good advice. I needed it.