Accepting the cycle of violence

Nov. 8, 2011 _ Now that the custody suit is settled, I am very relieved because my children’s lives won’t change too much and the stress and fear that I have felt for more than seven months are gone. I am very happy because I can definitely live with the court-ordered parenting plan.

But, I don’t think that my ex-husband can. In the few weeks since he agreed to settle, he has fought one of the agreements and went off on me verbally once. It was ironic, because just before he lashed out at me, I was thinking of facing him and trying to help him handle whatever emotional roller-coaster I think that he is on. His verbal abuse snapped me quickly back into reality. He is traveling within the cycle of violence of an abusers and it is best that I stay off the ride.

I believe that my ex is in a truly bad place emotionally and though he had a moment of clarity when we were working on the settlement, his fear was not relieved. And that is not a good sign. Whenever he was tense in the past, or worried, or afraid, he would lash out. I don’t think anything has changed. He is looking for a way to lash out at me.

His emotions are running high and he doesn’t handle that very well. The key is to remember this and stay as far away as possible. Focus on my kids. Give them a healthy life and help them navigate this field.


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